Shoes!

So I bought a pair of Frye Dorado riding boots and they're soooo comfortable and nice and cute--but I'm a bit too short for it :( If only my legs are 2" taller! I'm trying to tell myself that the boots will fall down a bit since they are pull-on, but right now they are pushing on the little fat pad about my knees, boo...


(They look a little funky since I took the pictures upside down)

I really, really want to keep them! :(

Do I look like Puss in Boots? Maybe I should get a plumed hat and a little sabre for next Halloween.

Also I bought these purple Guess pumps. Piperlime is so great but bad for my savings.

Coco Transform~~~

Bunraku

Oh man, Josh Hartnett AND Gackt Camui are starring in the upcoming Bunraku. I am so watching that next year <3

/sighs dreamily

Books!

At the end of studying hard in biology for exams or some other deadline, I often long for a good, long book. The kind that needs cradling as I lie on floor pillows. I'm not sure what exactly drives me from science to literature, and the opposite happens when I'm struggling to work on my story--I'll crave medical journals instead of further wading in the depths of language.

Maybe this is my brain telling me a message. Like when I actually want to eat some salad. Though perhaps the analogy should end there, because truthfully I very rarely yearn for lettuce, and most of the time only consume it only as a vehicle to carry other edible things, like goat cheese and roasted beets.

I'm off to read for tomorrow's class, but here's my book stack I'm bringing with me on my business trip next week (well, it is an oncology meeting, so naturally I'm bringing novels):

- The Children's Hospital - this is a book written by one of our fellows, and I'm very interested in reading it so I can bother him with questions not related to work.
- Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell - this is a reread. I recently got her second book (a collection of short stories), The Ladies of Grace Adieu and Other Stories, and it made me want to reread the book. The book is a magical blend of Jane Austen and Harry Potter.

Speaking of books, I've been semi-tempted to get the Amazon Kindle. Only in a half-wistful, half-convinced way, because I don't understand how something with its promises can have such horrible product design. Even Nate would be embarrassed to use it in public. And the upcoming Kindle 2.0 is going to look even uglier. Amazon, please, make it like a large iPhone, and make the keyboard a touchscreen, and I'll take two for Christmas, I promise.

oh hi

I don't like to post when I'm upset, so this summer my blog has been on hiatus for cowardice. This past year at work I've been extremely interested in pursuing more clinical research, and I've recognized that I would need an additional degree to do any serious work. But you see, I did extremely terrible in college, so instead of looking forward to the possibility of applying to med/nursing/vet/graduate schools, I just want to curl up in bed whenever I think about it. For a long time, I've avoided any thinking about the subject.

And now I'm back to posting, because this summer I did a lot of searching--talking with my family, my friends, my coworkers--and I realize that I've been avoiding any school plans because I'm afraid of a second failure. But there can be no success without attempts. And all is not lost.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

So now, I am planning for med school matriculation in 2011. (Perhaps in a later post I'll detail my various deliberations about med/nursing/vet/graduate schools...)

This week I'm going to work on:
- reading ch 1-3 of genetics textbook (starts class 9/2)
- flesh out structure for my ALL meningioma study proposal
- look more into classes that would help admissions
- more detailed plans for MCAT studying
- check on UCSF/SFGH volunteering
- exercise

ffxi

Played since launch 2003:

Busy Fridays

For some reason, I frequently get new study patients on Fridays and end up staying at work into the evening. The worst one was a month ago, when the consent conference was delayed and then extended, and I left at 11. Such was my fear today, but after several weeks of analysis by the COG ALL committee, they decided to close almost all ALL therapeutic trials for amendments, and now there will be no one but babies to go on study.

So you would think that I'd have it easy for the next few weeks, but unfortunately this actually creates more work and havoc for our team.

Go research.

I still haven't decided if I should apply to medical or nursing school--and the stupidest thing is because of how much work I'll have to do to make up my time in college. (Maybe I should have actually studied once in a while.) Well, that's not entirely true. Of course there is a difference in admissions ratios, but the other reason is because I'm lazy: I like free time. I like to mess around the internets. I like to game and read and and try to write. It's not that being a doctor prevents me from doing all that, but the amount of time and its flexibility would be different. And sometimes I feel like I'm so old, though I know my working life is still ahead of me. On the other hand, I love the field I'm in. Despite all the long hours the attendings and fellows put in, and despite cancer being a constant reality, it's exhilarating to be a part of the driving force of research. Instead of reading about therapies and results, it's about the process of developing it.