I don't like to post when I'm upset, so this summer my blog has been on hiatus for cowardice. This past year at work I've been extremely interested in pursuing more clinical research, and I've recognized that I would need an additional degree to do any serious work. But you see, I did extremely terrible in college, so instead of looking forward to the possibility of applying to med/nursing/vet/graduate schools, I just want to curl up in bed whenever I think about it. For a long time, I've avoided any thinking about the subject.
And now I'm back to posting, because this summer I did a lot of searching--talking with my family, my friends, my coworkers--and I realize that I've been avoiding any school plans because I'm afraid of a second failure. But there can be no success without attempts. And all is not lost.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
So now, I am planning for med school matriculation in 2011. (Perhaps in a later post I'll detail my various deliberations about med/nursing/vet/graduate schools...)
This week I'm going to work on:
- reading ch 1-3 of genetics textbook (starts class 9/2)
- flesh out structure for my ALL meningioma study proposal
- look more into classes that would help admissions
- more detailed plans for MCAT studying
- check on UCSF/SFGH volunteering
- exercise
